I dropped out of college. Well. I “withdrew”. It was a huge big ordeal. Correction: the actual withdrawing took a total of 10 ten minutes, starting when I parked my car in the lot, to when I got back in the car and hyperventilated. It was super cool.
The hard part of withdrawing was explaining the reasoning behind it. I’d been thinking about it for awhile. Like, since Halloween. And then over Christmas break, everything just came to a head and (I know this is gonna sound super cliche/hokey. Be prepared.) I had this intense moment of clarity. And I saw myself from outside myself and didn’t care for what I was looking at. So, during a road trip to New York with my BFF, Staci, I just blurted it out.
The convo went as follows.
Yup. THAT. Was my life changing moment. I know. I’m pretty eloquent.
After that, we talked about it and I started talking about why and BOOM. That’s when I had my totally cliche defining moment. I realized I had gone on to UNI for terrible reasons and that I wasn’t happy there at all because of this.
And suddenly, I was tired of just being the same old me, that wasn’t really me at all.
I was tired of pushing down MY wants.
I was tired of doing things simply becasue they were convenient.
But mostly, I was just tired.
So, I slept on it.
I called my mom, who was considerably shocked and I think dismayed. And that kinda tore me up. But, it didn’t stop me. I had gone to far. Ultimately, the state of my college career was put into the hands of my boss at the hospital. If she had a space for me, I was outta there. There was a space for me.
The ball started rolling and it still hasn’t stopped. I feel like I’ve been running since I really decided to withdraw. And, surprisingly, it isn’t such a bad feeling.
There’s much more to the story, but that’s for another blog.